• Latest
  • Trending
  • All
  • News
  • Politics
  • Lifestyle
Who are you online?

I Like You In Person, But Not Online

February 2, 2018
black women group

‘Righteous and Ratchet’ Black Women of Faith Embraced on Jemele Hill’s ‘Sanctified’ Podcast

January 23, 2023
Martin Luther King Jr. Photo

How the Distortion of MLK’s Words Enables More, Not Less, Racial Division Within American Society

January 14, 2023
Shirley Chisholm book

Historian Connects Shirley Chisholm’s Life and Politics in New Biography

January 14, 2023
red apple fruit on four pyle books

Is White Supremacy a Bug or a Feature of Classical Christian Education?

January 14, 2023
bible gun Brazil

God and Guns Often Go Together In US History — This Course Examines Why

January 14, 2023
black news site

Kansas City Police Dismissed a Black News Site’s Reports of Missing Women. Then One Showed Up.

January 14, 2023
text

‘Thank You’ and a Look Back as We Look Forward to the New Year

December 31, 2022
Anthea Butler, Kristin Kobes Du Mez, and Jemar Tisby

Free eBook: Conversations on White Evangelical Racism and Christian Nationalism (Subscribers)

December 10, 2022
will smith in emancipation movie

News With Nicola: Is Will Smith’s Emancipation Movie Based on a True Story?

December 2, 2022
Pastor E. Dewey Smith’s House of Hope Atlanta Sues Over Alleged Black Church Scheme

Pastor E. Dewey Smith’s House of Hope Atlanta Sues Over Alleged Black Church Scheme

November 28, 2022
Bishop Jerome Stokes is seen in this 2020 YouTube screengrab.

Baltimore Pastor Bishop Jerome Stokes Attacked With Hammer During Sunday Service

November 28, 2022
Jonathan Majors stars as Jesse L. Brown in the movie Devotion

‘Devotion’ Movie Celebrates Successes and Sacrifices of Navy’s First Black Fighter Pilot

November 21, 2022
  • About
  • Advertise
  • Privacy & Policy
  • Contact
Saturday, January 28, 2023
  • Login
  • Register
Faithfully Magazine
  • About
    • Staff and Advisors
    • Write for Us
    • Advertise
    • Give Via PayPal
  • Exclusives
  • Q&As
  • Inspiration
  • Subscribe
  • Shop Faithfully
No Result
View All Result
Faithfully Magazine
No Result
View All Result
Home Inspiration

I Like You In Person, But Not Online

by Heather Day
February 2, 2018
Reading Time: 4 mins read
Who are you online?

Who are you online? (Photo: William Iven)

ShareTweetPin It

Randomly people will screenshot a post from a friend of mine. “Come get your girl.” They’ll say, #dumb.

RELATED POSTS

‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ & the Absurdity of Love as Resistance

The Gospels Give Birth to Poetry (‘God Speaks Through Wombs’ Excerpt)

100 Proverbs That Teach Us How to Speak, Listen, and Respectfully Disagree

If it weren’t for these screenshots I wouldn’t have any idea what these people were posting. I made a decision to mute them a long time ago. Am I the only one with people I like in person yet don’t like online?

Here is the problem with online friendships: I know too much.

I am a communication professor, and there are stages to relational development that we have to go through in order to gain intimacy with one another. You tell me your biggest fear, I nod my head in solidarity, and then I tell you something personal about me. That’s how friendship works. Slowly and gradually through a process of time and face to face assurances, you tell me that you don’t like sauerkraut, not that you don’t like Black people.

Thanks to social media having 10 apps on my phone in which I carry on 10 completely different conversations, I am learning things about my friends that I never would have known. We are oversharing.

When face to face, people tend to simmer down their political affiliations. They use words like “maybe” or “sort of,” because no one wants to be immediately rejected in an instant shaming ritual that reminds us of middle school. We put hedges between us and our messages in an attempt to persuade those that we are talking to, that if they don’t like our message, they can still like us.

What this looks like is someone saying, “I saw an article that said…” and then they go on to share whatever viewpoint they actually hold, while using the article as a hedge to protect themselves from your reaction. This passive approach allows me to reject your message, without rejecting you. “That’s a dumb article,” I say, and I never have to scream that in fact, you are dumb. It’s great. But social media is disrupting the process.

The Internet is a different beast. Suddenly we are super connected to each other. I know that on Saturday night you sat on your couch eating pickles and it feels like legitimate intimacy. But then suddenly you are retweeting Tomi Lahren and I don’t even know who you are anymore. We skipped a step, several of them. And typically, what happens when you skip steps relationally is that someone trips.

Here is the thing, I am not supposed to know that you take photos of yourself in your underwear. I don’t want to know that about you. I don’t want to see you share from biased news sources, and I certainly don’t want to know that you are so absurdly afraid of immigrants that you support ripping apart families who have been living in this country for decades. What I love about Twitter is that the insane people are strangers. On Facebook it’s my cousin Bob, and I don’t know what to do with that?

If you were this same shrewd, self-centered person when we eat chips and salsa, I certainly would get my bill and dash. But you aren’t. In person you listen more than you talk. In person you seem to show varying levels of empathy. In person you are funny, and like guacamole, so I feel like we can be friends. I like you when I see the whole package. I don’t like you in pieces.

And so I mute and unfollow. I hate seeing what videos or pages you have liked, that lead me to believe that my friend is homophobic. I hate seeing you like someone else’s post that clearly rings of sexist overtones. I especially hate when you read one article on Brietbart, and suddenly have the political prowess of a youtube demi-god who props up their Iphone editing software in their grandmother’s basement.

I am pretty sure there are people right now who hate me online. I talk about my faith too much, I post pictures of my husband like he is Jack Pearson (may he RIP), and I talk about my kids like those stay at home moms who clearly don’t have television or internet and think child rearing is America’s best form of entertainment. I get it. We are all just one IG post away from being spitballed off of someone else’s timeline.

We should try harder to make sure the people we are online, is consistent with the people we are in person. That way when I fangirl over my husband, you already saw it coming. And when you say that some countries are crap, I can better connect the dots. You believe that people should always stay where they came from. In which case, I motion now that we build a wall around your two-stop light hometown because you should never want to escape that cornfield. Why would you want to anyway? That MUST mean you think it’s a horrible place. Isn’t that how this works?

You can go ahead and unfollow me now. But please still come to movie night.

Editor’s note: This essay was first published by The Spilled Milk Club.


Heather Thompson Day is an Assistant Professor of Communication at Andrews University. She is the author of five Christian books, including Life After Eden, and writer for The Spilled Milk Club. Facebook her, or check her out on Instagram.

Photo by saturnism


Help Keep Christian Media Diverse

In addition to partnering with advertisers, maintaining a subscription program, and exploring paid live events, we rely on the generosity of readers who see value in our work and in our mission. We invite you to join us, and keep walking with us, in our mission. Every amount, big or small, empowers us to stay the course. Here are a few ways you can join us:
  • Give via PayPal
  • Place an Ad
We are grateful for your support. Thank you!

Share This Post

Share via

Share This Post

  • Digg
  • Tumblr
  • Flipboard
  • SMS
More
  • Report
ShareTweetPin It
Tags: FriendshipHeather Thompson DaySocial MediaTechnology
Heather Day

Heather Day

Dr. Heather Thompson Day is an Associate Professor of Communication at Andrews University. She is the author of six Christian books, including "Confessions of a Christian," and writer for Imthatwife.com.

Related Posts

Everything Everywhere All At Once. (A24 Films)

‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ & the Absurdity of Love as Resistance

by Joe George
April 23, 2022
0

...

God Speaks Through Wombs: Poems on God's Unexpected Coming

The Gospels Give Birth to Poetry (‘God Speaks Through Wombs’ Excerpt)

by Drew Jackson
September 5, 2021
0

...

two women talk

100 Proverbs That Teach Us How to Speak, Listen, and Respectfully Disagree

by FM Editors
January 29, 2021
0

...

Rapper J Cole and a hanging tree

J. Cole’s ‘Javari,’ the Cross, and the Lynching Tree

by Stephen Adubato
December 15, 2020
0

...

  • Trending
  • Comments
  • Latest
Jesus and John the Baptist

Are Jesus and John the Baptist Cousins or Related in Anyway?

June 2, 2019
paige and christopher hilken family

Paige Hilken, Wife of North Coast Church Pastor Christopher Hilken, Dies by Suicide

August 2, 2021
stream movies laptop

Free Christian Movies: How and Where to Watch Free Christian Movies Online

March 15, 2021
White Christian Dean and Faculty Pose as Gangsters in Controversial Photo

White Christian Dean and Faculty Pose as Gangsters in Controversial Photo

16
study on evangelical churches finds some apply race tests on people of color seeking to belong

White Evangelical Churches Use ‘Race Tests’ on People of Color, Study Claims

3
depression

Why African Christians Should Rethink Depression

3
black women group

‘Righteous and Ratchet’ Black Women of Faith Embraced on Jemele Hill’s ‘Sanctified’ Podcast

January 23, 2023
Martin Luther King Jr. Photo

How the Distortion of MLK’s Words Enables More, Not Less, Racial Division Within American Society

January 14, 2023
Shirley Chisholm book

Historian Connects Shirley Chisholm’s Life and Politics in New Biography

January 14, 2023

Get the Newsletter

Loading

Listen to Exclusive Q&As on Faithfully Podcast

Faithfully Podcast · Faithfully Podcast Select
Advertisement
Advertisement
Mosaic Coffee
  • About
  • Advertise
  • Privacy & Policy
  • Contact
Do Good. Obey God. Stay Woke.

Copyright © 2023 Faithfully Media, LLC. This website participates in affiliate programs.

No Result
View All Result
  • About
    • Staff and Advisors
    • Write for Us
    • Advertise
    • Give Via PayPal
  • Exclusives
  • Q&As
  • Inspiration
  • Subscribe
  • Shop Faithfully

Copyright © 2023 Faithfully Media, LLC. This website participates in affiliate programs.

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password? Sign Up

Create New Account!

Fill the forms bellow to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
Share via

Share This Post

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • Email
  • WhatsApp
  • Copy Link
  • Tumblr
  • Digg
  • Flipboard
  • SMS

Add New Playlist

Add to Collection

  • Public collection title

  • Private collection title

No Collections

Here you'll find all collections you've created before.

Send this to a friend